A Tutorial on the Post-Modern Condition

Memories...always on my mind.

2012-01-08T14:01:00.001-08:00

Whoever coined the phrase 'Life is a series of moments' was probably reflecting back over his/her past experiences. Which brings us to today's topic of memory. When we think of our own personal history and tell stories, they're often fragmented and details are forgotten and replaced by how something or more importantly someone made us feel. And this gets more enhanced over the course of time.
This weekend I watched a Terrence Malick double-bill of Days of Heaven and The New World. All of his films take place in some period in the past. With this in mind it should help one to understand what Malick has in mind in the way his films are presented and shot. The characters, especially ones in a significant historical context - in say The Thin Red Line and The New World - they aren't necessarily aware of the fact that their actions and decisions will be written in books for years to come - like you'll see in other period films. As courageous as they may seem, (as depicted in lesser films) they aren't void of doubt and remorse. It's one thing for us to think back to an event we were apart of and try to imagine what we were thinking or could have done differently, but filmmakers take this a giant leap forward and try to imagine and empathize with people from generations ago, including those that were of the conventional ill-sort: murderers, thieves, savages, etc. And of course Malick, in what makes his films unique, provides an inner monologue for many of his characters. Lot of metaphor and one word sentences.

Another interesting example I've found recently is in Truffaut's classic 'Jules and Jim.' Like Malick's films the drama is sort of glossed over (which can be seen as a negative criticism). But one must realize that 'Jules and Jim' was a story written by a man of his true experiences from 50 years prior. An interesting aspect of memory is that when we think back over our relationships and trials - we often recall the good times more often than the bad (Granted which is a problem when finding reason to break up with someone or when pondering the idea of getting back together with him/her - ha). Time has a way of reshaping these things.

And when we do recall those good times they seem so often bathed in light, having took place during magic hour (time just before and after sunset and sunrise) - like Malick's films are shown. I can tell you I have certain memories that haunt me and probably will for the rest of my being. And they weren't always significant in the scheme of things. Just little snippets of time - the way she looked sitting at the edge of the bed looking at me, or how she stood in the water admist the sunset. Or even tinier things from 3rd grade - a play during flag football. Things I'm not even sure if they happened or if they were in a dream. Strangely some of these I was acutely aware at the time they would stay with me. If I stare long enough I can capture them like a photograph. Think about your dreams for a second. Aren't they just little fragments of events that provide a certain feeling or emotion?

The Return: Are we naive or too trusting?

2011-12-20T18:10:00.001-08:00

Well this is my first post in almost 3 years. Wow. I was inspired to bring this back by some recent events that made quite an impression and a friend, who's blog (redstickreader.com) should be earning her some dinero soon - and who couldn't use a little extra $ these days, right? Right.

So down to business. You may have heard about my recent brush with crime at the liquor store on my birthday...If not, in short, I was at the counter discussing the merits of Captain Morgan 100 Proof with the shop's only clerk when a Hispanic man and woman came in, grabbed their loot, and made for a quick exit. Then a black woman came to the counter shortly after and told the clerk she had just seen them run off with a bottle hidden in their big coats. The clerk just shrugged it off. More about that in a moment.

I got a new TV and Blu Ray player recently as well (Woot!)- and the first movie I decided to watch was 'No Country For Old Men.' (perhaps you see where this is going...) I like the movie a lot - but hadn't seen it probably since my last blog post. One thing I took definite notice of this time around- that was always there before but more on an unconscious level - was how completely naive the townspeople were and how unaware of the crime and criminals often right before them. That made someone (or something) like Anton Chigurh even more menacing and dangerous. The Coen Brothers return to this theme frequently in the film and in some not so subtle ways- with colorful authentic characters and memorable scenes: the store clerks, hotel and mobile home managers, kids, Moss' Mother-in-law, etc. They seem to fit more in the 50's day time television than say tough, salt of the earth folks of the early 80's (1980 was the year it was set). The only non-criminal or cop that seems aware is the Llewelyn Moss character. However, his experience in Vietnam is mentioned a few times- and this assumes he would be privy to the violence and horror that exists in our world - and the consequences they can bring. Of course the Sheriff (Tommy Lee Jones) senses this changing of the tides and doesn't feel he can compete anymore with the growing intensity, and chaotic nature of the violence and crime the new age brings.

With all this in mind it made me reflect on my youth and entering (serious) adulthood. I grew up with a mind for naivete'. I can recall our house got burglarized once or twice when I was about 10 or 11. No one was home. That's about as close as I've come to witnessing any real crime. And for the most part I'm thankful for this. I wish all kids could live such a charmed life I had. But on the other hand, as an aspiring writer, I often feel behind the eight ball, so to speak, when it comes to spotting clues and all the things that go along with being known as street wise. I admit I'm probably way too lax on things like: locking the door at night, leaving my keys sitting out when I go for a run, walking down dark alleys at night, etc. I hardly ever worry about that stuff.

And furthermore, many of you may already know, for the last 2 years I've become very interested in the crime genre. Practically becoming an expert on Film Noir. I've tried writing crime stories myself, but always hit a roadblock because I don't feel like I know enough about say- solving a murder or committing a crime to really dissect it and make it authentic. I don't know how some writers do it. They can't all be former cops, journalists, or attorneys. Are some actual criminals?

A local news story I came across yesterday that grabbed my interest is known as the 'Yogurt Shop Murders' took place 20 years ago and remains unsolved, where 4 teenage girls (ages 13-17) were tied up, gagged, raped, shot execution style, bodies stacked and burned - right there in the Ice Cream store where they worked. Happened here in Austin back when it was a much smaller town. I imagine that really floored some people when they first heard.
You can read an overview about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1991_Austin_yogurt_shop_murders
and more in depth here:
http://www.austinchronicle.com/news/2011-12-16/scene-of-the-crime/

So back to my booze incident. When I realized what happened, I felt somewhat responsible for the store getting ripped off. I did notice that this girl was suspicious- crouched down looking up at me- waiting for the right moment to make her grab and getaway and the guy asking a quick silly question about them not having a certain size and leaving swiftly (if you read that story on the Yogurt Shop Murders several customers noticed some guys acting shady, but never did anything about it, and left- leaving these young girls there alone with these strange guys late at night. Eerie). If it hadn't been for that black woman who pointed it out, and I believe her, the clerk, a seemingly normal white dude in his late 20's probably, and I, would never have known. Not to make this a race thing, but I find that blacks and Hispanics are much wiser when it comes to matters such as these, while us sheltered white folk are quite oblivious. And often we're taken advantage of. We operate in our own worlds most of the time and I think many of us try to forget about the possibilities of becoming a victim of a violent crime or even witnessing one.
Another incident that occurred the other day - a teacher I work with had several hundred dollars worth of cash and gift cards taken from her purse. She left her room unattended for just a few minutes to go grab some coffee, while some students came in, and now she's $600 in the hole. She and security never found the culprit. I'm sure she never thought for a second during her brief departure that would happen. We're way too trusting sometimes. But I'd like to think of that as a positive character trait.

More to come soon - I hope.

Dare to compare?

2009-02-17T15:36:00.000-08:00

Greetings-

This entry was originally slated to follow up this epic one I've been working on, but as you can see its been taking a while to output it, so here we are. Mainly, I didn't want y'all to think I've forgotten about this little project. For said epic entry, compiling the research has been quite a tall task - one idea leads to another - which in turn requires more research, and I've been conscious of its organization not to lead to far astray. And most importantly, I want to capture the essence of it all. What is this big thesis about you're wondering...well it has to do with the opposing forces that are ever present in our universe - what the Chinese call the "Yin and the Yang." So that's up next.

Now, some of you may recall, I celebrated a birthday not too long ago, a mini milestone, the dreaded 27th birthday. Why so grim? Well, my days as a mere 'twenty-something' are nearing end as I approach what many experience as the "Quarter-life crisis." Not only does this mark the transition from mid 20's to the late 20's, but if you recall, many notable celebrities died prematurely at the age of 27: Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jean-Michel Basquiat, the list goes on. Its known as the "27 Club" or "Forever 27, " which mainly caters to the musicians.
Also there's a list of actors: James Dean at 24, River Phoenix at 23, and so forth. And not to leave out athletes: Steve Prefontaine at 24.
Viewing the material of one's idols can be quite overwhelming. I'd read "This Side of Paradise" and on one hand be blown away by F. Scott Fitzgerald's use of colorful language and touching moments, and on the other my stomach would ache knowing he wrote this at the ripe age of 23. I don't even want to think of any more examples. (see Richard Kelly, Salvador Dali, David Gordon Green, Wes Anderson, Seth Rogen, Kevin Smith, etc.)
And here I sit, with barely more than a few graduate thesis films to my credit on IMDB (check it).

This sort of thing used to keep me awake at night, but alas, I sleep a little more soundly now (with the help of some proper guidance). What I realized is if all you want to do is compare yourselves to others, you'll make yourself sick - literally from the stress - its a vicious cycle that grounds any progress. Besides, not every person whose "made it" was hailed a genius by the age of 19. If you try to repeat what those guys did you won't go too far anyway. They made a name for themselves because they broke out from the crowd and did their own thing - a unique voice that allowed audiences to see life through their eyes. So pave your own way, I say.

Another reason why its futile to compare yourself to what others did - prior to the 21st century is simply - the times are different now. Folks mature at a later age. You know the saying - your 40's is like the old 30's. I believe it. And if you're wondering if this is another 'Blame the media' stance, then you're right. We're bombarded with hundreds (if not thousands) of messages and advertisements a day - pulling us in all different directions. More guys and girls live with their parents well into their late 20's than ever before (thank God I can say I don't). More people go to college and then onto graduate school in this generation than any before it - which as you know delays the whole maturity process. Responsibility seemed so cool when we're 15, but now we know, it sucks.
Stay tuned.

Further reading: (Quarter-life crisis explained)
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/Careers/story?id=688240

(27 Club explained)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Club

Lists: A few of my favorite things

2008-12-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

If you're like me, then you like lists. As trivial as it is, I believe you can tell a lot about a person based on what they're into, and perhaps what they're not into. Also I see this as a further introduction to this blog, so without further adieu, I'll present my likes/dislikes:

Note: I'm not gonna bother putting them in numerical order since some of these are like picking my favorite M&M, but don't fret, you'll get the idea.

Ok, I'll just start off with the big ones, then go small:

Top 5 All-Time films
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Donnie Darko
Jules and Jim
All The Real Girls
La Dolce Vita

Other 5
Fight Club
Rushmore
Swingers
Rules of Attraction
American Beauty

Directors
Wes Anderson
David Gordon Green
Federico Fellini
Stanley Kubrick
Ingmar Bergman
Francois Truffaut
Jean-Luc Godard
Richard Linklater
Kevin Smith
Woody Allen

Actors
Bill Murray
Paul Rudd
Jason Schwartzman
Jim Carrey
Gael Garcia Bernal
Humprey Bogart
Marcello Mastrianni
Joseph Cotten
Charlie Chaplin
Buster Keaton

Actresses
Natalie Portman
Naomi Watts
Shannyn Sossamon
Audrey Hepburn
Ingrid Bergman
Ziyi Zhang

Other Girls
Emmanuelle Chriqui
Natalie Wood
Miranda Kerr
Vanessa Lengies
Natalia Verbeke
Rachel Bilson
Mila Kunis
Minka Kelly
Penelope Cruz
Rachel Spector

Characters
Brody - from Mallrats
Ernie "big Ern" McCracken - from Kingpin
Tyler Durden - from Fight Club
Bill Lumbergh - from Office Space
Wooderson - from Dazed and Confused

Other Favorites by Genre:

Comedy
Dazed and Confused
Trading Places
Coming to America
Office Space
Dumb and Dumber
Major League
Kingpin
Ace Ventura
The Big Lebowski
Clerks
Mallrats
Real Genius
Dry Comedy
Kicking and Screaming (1995)
This is Spinal Tap
The Big Lebowski
Waiting for Guffman
Metropolitan
Barcelona
Bottle Rocket
Down By Law
Dark Comedy
Man Bites Dog
The Celebration
Dr. Strangelove
American Psycho
Happiness
Phantom of Liberty
Romantic Comedy
Groundhog Day
When Harry Met Sally
Jump Tomorrow
The Princess Bride
Chasing Amy
Annie Hall
Manhatten
Smiles of a Summer Night
City Lights
Sherlock Jr.
The General

Science Fiction
2001: A Space Odyssey
Alphaville
Stalker
Solaris (1972)
Children of Men

Thriller
No Country For Old Men
The Departed
Knife In the Water
The Conformist
The Third Man
The Big Sleep
Before The Devil Knows You're Dead
North By Northwest

Drama
Casablanca
Great Expectations (both)
Children of Paradise
Rules of the Game
Y Tu Mama Tambien
The Last Picture Show
Vanilla Sky
Sex, Lies, and Videotape
Talk to Her
8 1/2
Wild Strawberries
Shawshank Redemption
Forrest Gump
Amorros Perros
Shortcuts

War
Thin Red Line
Full Metal Jacket
Grand Illusion
Seven Samurai
Spartacus

Horror
The Shining
The Vanishing
Rosemary's Baby
Peeping Tom
Vertigo

Documentaries
American Movie
Burden of Dreams
Grey Gardens
Louisiana Story
Nanook Of the North
Overnight

Movies that are targeted towards Kids
The Goonies
Sandlot
Time Bandits
Stand By Me

TV Shows
Dexter
In Living Color
Arrested Development
Sopranos
The Colbert Report
Married With Children
The Office (American and BBC)
Extras
Reno 911
Fishing With John
The History Channel

Cartoons
Looney Tunes
Beavis and Butthead
Southpark
Family Guy
Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Bands
Radiohead
Better Than Ezra
Modest Mouse
Weezer
Flaming Lips
Others
Sigur Ros
Deathcab For Cutie
Postal Service
Cake
Coldplay

Books
Catcher In The Rye
This Side of Paradise
The Great Gatsby
Crime and Punishment
The Sun Also Rises

General Likes
Quotes
Paradoxes
The Onion
Criterion Collection
Iced Coffee/Tea (sweetened)
Peanut Butter (peanut butter crackers!)
Nostalgia
Steak (beef, its what's for dinner)
Popcorn (Kettle corn and citrus juice)
Ice Cream
Dark Beer (Abita)
Captain Morgan
Jameson Irish Whiskey
Colorful Word Usage
Dogs - most animals
Sunflower Seeds
discovering new music
Puns
Surprises
Sarcasm
Playing the Air Guitar or Drums
Louisiana related (Fleur-di-lis, etc.)
Seafood (hold the shrimp)
The Jazz Age
Coffee Shops
The Color Green (and blue together)
Surrealist Art (Dali, etc.)
Zen
Stereotypes

Other Interests
Human Condition
Photography
Psychology
Astronomy
Paranormal
Travel
Politics
Classic Literature
Dreams/dream sequences
Food - Cooking/Dining out (especially Cajun)
Golf
Health - Running/Working Out
Fishing

Dislikes
Stereotypes
Being lied to
Bullshit artists (that I don't know)
Political Correctness
Censorship
QB's who wear their hat backwards on the sidelines
Cowboys, Yankees, Michigan, Auburn, Florida, USC, Falcons
90% of pop music
unoriginality
dumb nicknames (like "Jay" for Jason)
Yankee accents
Smugness/condescending remarks

Things I just don't understand
the allure of Vegas
Smoking Cigarettes
Girls who sport Playboy gear
Fantasy anything (football, movies, etc.)
Comic Book stuff
Paying for Porn
Paying for Ringtones
Affliction or Tap Out tees
Knitting
Why the water pressure in my shower slowly dissapates
Why NASCAR is so popular
Why trucks outsell cars
Wasting food
Not properly sealing perishable foot items (including chips, crackers - stuff that goes stale)
White Guilt
Tatoos
how if one were less than 50% black, they're still considered black
Soccer
Vegetarians

Guilty Pleasures - Misc.
Ghosthunters
Those Dating shows - (Blind date, Dismissed, Next, etc.)
Dawson's Creek
Sex and the City (I was raised in a family with all guys practically)
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Movies I saw in the theatre as a young lad that changed my perspective on movies
Strange Days ("Seven" was sold out)
Eyes Wide Shut (first Kubrick film I saw - have seen all of them since)

footnote: I'm sure I'm leaving out a lot, some of it on purpose, but I'll probably be editing this over the next few days.

The Beginning of the End

2008-11-19T13:37:00.000-08:00

I'd been thinking about what I should make my first post about, for about a week or two now...then last night, while at Barnes n' Noble (plug), I picked up one of my favorite magazines, Scientific American Mind (another plug), and came across this one article about dying. It was interesting. Then it hit me. What better way to kick off this new endeavor by talking about - what many fear most and what propels us all forward - the idea of mortality. Its what separates us from animals - the knowledge that someday, somehow you will cease to be. And you know how they say "You're never more alive till you're on the brink of death"...
The author of said article presented how it was unfathomable to conceptualize our own death. Main reason being all we've ever known is consciousness, and to try to imagine the lack there of, in ourselves and others was - for all practical purposes - humanly impossible.
When our number is up: No more thoughts of loved ones, or any of the 5 senses, no realization that its all over and that perhaps there is no supreme (benevolent) being, not even darkness. The thing one may possibly associate to being in the same realm as this state was a deep, dreamless sleep, but even that can't compare, he says.
This brought about a dream I had recently and my own ideas or predictions of 'how it all may end.'
Before I get to that, I must say that I love dreams. Anything that deals with them. Not to be mistaken for "goals" (pet peeve of mine). No, the often strange and wonderful vivid imaginations that lie inside each of us - the link between our conscious and unconscious. I'm not afraid to share mine - even to people I don't know well that appear in my dreams. I've done a fair share of research on the subject, as well as I like to think one of my best attributes is being a good listener and offering honest advice. So feel free to share yours with me anytime.
Now for the dream:
I was at my parents' house, looking out the back window. We have 6 acres of land, so a good ways out, in what used to be our horse pasture, was being turned into a cemetery for locals. This came as a surprise to my mother, and I soon found myself out there amongst the graves. We (my mother and I) were slowly navigating the plots in her green 2-door Honda Civic - with her behind the wheel. I had just warned her to be careful, since there were large sinkholes throughout the yard (caused by the digging and groundwater of course)...when we came upon one, plummeting about 50 feet to solid ground. While in the passenger seat, the fall gave me ample time to realize: So this is it. This is how it all ends. How I end.......or was it?
Instant, complete darkness.
About 10 seconds later, I come to. I find myself in a sort of underworld. That has seemingly existed below where I've grown up all these years. Signs of life, but nothing like one would picture heaven, or even hell maybe. With used car lots abound and lower society adrift, I begin searching for answers. The world there seemed to be straight out the film Wristcutter's: A Love Story. Everything and everyone run down and jaded. Purgatory it appeared. I knew my mom was there, but I didn't really see her. She was off doing her own searching. Because like me, she felt in her heart she didn't belong there. An exception. Everyone's an exception to everyone else. The rules don't apply to me. I'm a good person.
That's all I really remember.
Ever since I got my driver's license, at the ripe age of 15, I've had what I would call "brief revelations" of how I'm likely to kick the bucket... A car wreck. Prematurely of course. Before the age of 30. Before my prime. Scary, right? Whether I'm at fault or not isn't important. Just so many close encounters out on the road, one can't help to take notice the probability. And when you keep rolling the dice, its bound to come up snake eyes sooner or later. Granted I don't drive like I used to. But I kept this to myself for a long time. Not that it kept me awake at night, but it always stayed with me - even often while I was driving. Then about 2 and a half years ago I told someone about it for the first time - someone I didn't really know well - but nevertheless felt comfortable confiding into.
*After school special time*
Well, it really felt like a weight was lifted (a small one mind you). We get trapped in our own little worlds and feel like no one can relate or empathize, which you'll find is usually not the case at all when you finally decide to put yourself out there. I'm no longer afraid to mention it. The thought still pops up randomly from time to time, but it no longer feels like a burden. I think when we confront our fears, however we see fit, it helps us, largely, cope with the world around us.
This is not the end.

For further reading: http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=never-say-die

Footnote: I'm not here to spark a debate of religion vs. science - so don't email me bible quotes or the like. Its just something to think about, and if you can't think for yourself, you have no soul anyway.