The Beginning of the End

I'd been thinking about what I should make my first post about, for about a week or two now...then last night, while at Barnes n' Noble (plug), I picked up one of my favorite magazines, Scientific American Mind (another plug), and came across this one article about dying. It was interesting. Then it hit me. What better way to kick off this new endeavor by talking about - what many fear most and what propels us all forward - the idea of mortality. Its what separates us from animals - the knowledge that someday, somehow you will cease to be. And you know how they say "You're never more alive till you're on the brink of death"...
The author of said article presented how it was unfathomable to conceptualize our own death. Main reason being all we've ever known is consciousness, and to try to imagine the lack there of, in ourselves and others was - for all practical purposes - humanly impossible.
When our number is up: No more thoughts of loved ones, or any of the 5 senses, no realization that its all over and that perhaps there is no supreme (benevolent) being, not even darkness. The thing one may possibly associate to being in the same realm as this state was a deep, dreamless sleep, but even that can't compare, he says.
This brought about a dream I had recently and my own ideas or predictions of 'how it all may end.'
Before I get to that, I must say that I love dreams. Anything that deals with them. Not to be mistaken for "goals" (pet peeve of mine). No, the often strange and wonderful vivid imaginations that lie inside each of us - the link between our conscious and unconscious. I'm not afraid to share mine - even to people I don't know well that appear in my dreams. I've done a fair share of research on the subject, as well as I like to think one of my best attributes is being a good listener and offering honest advice. So feel free to share yours with me anytime.
Now for the dream:
I was at my parents' house, looking out the back window. We have 6 acres of land, so a good ways out, in what used to be our horse pasture, was being turned into a cemetery for locals. This came as a surprise to my mother, and I soon found myself out there amongst the graves. We (my mother and I) were slowly navigating the plots in her green 2-door Honda Civic - with her behind the wheel. I had just warned her to be careful, since there were large sinkholes throughout the yard (caused by the digging and groundwater of course)...when we came upon one, plummeting about 50 feet to solid ground. While in the passenger seat, the fall gave me ample time to realize: So this is it. This is how it all ends. How I end.......or was it?
Instant, complete darkness.
About 10 seconds later, I come to. I find myself in a sort of underworld. That has seemingly existed below where I've grown up all these years. Signs of life, but nothing like one would picture heaven, or even hell maybe. With used car lots abound and lower society adrift, I begin searching for answers. The world there seemed to be straight out the film Wristcutter's: A Love Story. Everything and everyone run down and jaded. Purgatory it appeared. I knew my mom was there, but I didn't really see her. She was off doing her own searching. Because like me, she felt in her heart she didn't belong there. An exception. Everyone's an exception to everyone else. The rules don't apply to me. I'm a good person.
That's all I really remember.
Ever since I got my driver's license, at the ripe age of 15, I've had what I would call "brief revelations" of how I'm likely to kick the bucket... A car wreck. Prematurely of course. Before the age of 30. Before my prime. Scary, right? Whether I'm at fault or not isn't important. Just so many close encounters out on the road, one can't help to take notice the probability. And when you keep rolling the dice, its bound to come up snake eyes sooner or later. Granted I don't drive like I used to. But I kept this to myself for a long time. Not that it kept me awake at night, but it always stayed with me - even often while I was driving. Then about 2 and a half years ago I told someone about it for the first time - someone I didn't really know well - but nevertheless felt comfortable confiding into.
*After school special time*
Well, it really felt like a weight was lifted (a small one mind you). We get trapped in our own little worlds and feel like no one can relate or empathize, which you'll find is usually not the case at all when you finally decide to put yourself out there. I'm no longer afraid to mention it. The thought still pops up randomly from time to time, but it no longer feels like a burden. I think when we confront our fears, however we see fit, it helps us, largely, cope with the world around us.
This is not the end.


For further reading: http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=never-say-die

Footnote: I'm not here to spark a debate of religion vs. science - so don't email me bible quotes or the like. Its just something to think about, and if you can't think for yourself, you have no soul anyway.